


Particular Brand of Customer Service

by katmarajade



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Banter, Shopping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-17
Updated: 2014-03-17
Packaged: 2018-01-16 02:47:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1329019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katmarajade/pseuds/katmarajade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bloke walks into a shop.  The insults start flying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Particular Brand of Customer Service

Ron slammed his large hand down on the dainty bell at the register.

"Oy, what's a bloke got to do to get some service here?"

"Well, a small measure of civility might be a start," shot back the owner of the shop, as she sashayed out of the back room. "Bees, honey, all that rot."

"Well, I don't want to catch any bleeding bees, now do I? Just want to find a present for my wife."

"A present? Be still my heart." Lavender deadpanned, earning a huffy eye roll from her latest customer. "Well, what do you think she wants?"

"Erm, clothes?"

"Oh, no, no. That's a terrible idea. She'll hate that."

"And you're the expert, are you?"

"Yes, actually. Perhaps your over-worked wife would like some relaxing bath salts and candles?"

"Really? That's not like getting her a toothbrush?"

"Decidely not, you clueless twit. Baths are lovely."

"Hmm, I could get behind that, especially if I get to share it," Ron mused.

"Oh, like she'd waste her fancy bath oils on an oafish lout like you. You couldn't tell the difference between rose oil and castor! May as well use dish soap for all you'd notice."

"I notice things!"

"I sincerely doubt that," Lavender sniffed, shoving a selection of purple, pink, and blue bottles at him. "She'll like these."

"And if she doesn't? What's your return policy?"

"For my regular customers or for you?"

"Your customer service could use some work, all biting wit and sassy attitude. Might make me think twice about shopping here again."

"I use it only on those who deserve it. Now do you want this or not? Can't guarantee I won't just buy them myself if you don't hurry up and decide."

"Impatient cow."

"Ginger-balled troll!"

"Doxy-headed bint."

Lavender stood, hands on hips, blue eyes flashing. Ron towered over her, lanky frame dwarfing her, fists clenched. She seethed.

"Boorish, brainless, diseased barnacle-encrusted, spiky-headed sea urchin!"

Ron paused for a moment after that one, before bursting out laughing. He grabbed the carrier bag of bath salts. "So I'll see you tonight?"

"I get done at six."

"Excellent, I'm making chicken pie."

"With extra peas?"

"Just how you like it, love."

Lavender smiled at him, equal parts sweet as treacle and spicy as a good curry. "See you at home."

"Bye." Ron dropped a quick kiss on her plum-painted mouth and watched appreciatively as she swished into the back room again, knowing that she was putting a little extra swing into her hips for his benefit.

With a satisfied smirk, he apparated home to get dinner in the oven and make sure that the bathtub was cleaned and ready for a long soak. It was an important night, after all.  



End file.
